i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize