I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
