dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
