This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
