The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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