We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
