im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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