I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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