I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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