you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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