Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
