What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
