so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
