Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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