I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize