he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize