I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
