I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
