i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
