is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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