just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
