She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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