I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm bleeding and have questions
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
