the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
