No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
