finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
