No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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