they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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