your parents love me but you hate me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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