my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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