I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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