Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
