I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
