I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
