if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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