Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
