Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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