I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
soo... how was my night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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