Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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