my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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