if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
