He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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