My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
