Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found the puke drawer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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