I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
