he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
