how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
