Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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