Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
