Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize