I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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