when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
