Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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