Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
