booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
