Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize