As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
