i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
