some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
