Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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