So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
