I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The uberlube is also flammable
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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