i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
