Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
